Adapting to the New Baby - Sibling Rivalry Having a new baby when you already have a child is quite an adjustment. A young child can feel rejected because you spend so much time with the new baby. Toddlers and preschoolers, especially between the age of 1 and 3, may react in some harsh ways. They may want you to send the baby back to the hospital, or inadvertently harm the newborn. They may also resort to acting younger: having toilet accidents or demanding a bottle - just to get your attention. Be aware that jealousy may also appear when your new baby moves to a new stage. For example, your older child may be quite loving with the new baby until she learns to walk. Now she can interrupt your older child's play. As your baby learns to talk, she becomes able to interrupt and challenge your older child. This will trigger jealousy, where previously there was no problem. Here are some ways to try to ensure your older child feels loved even where there's a new baby on the scene: - Give your older child special responsibilities to help her feel involved.
- Emphasize your child's role as big brother or sister - and how important that is.
- Get your older child a ‘baby', complete with bottle and clothes, so he can imitate you.
- Let your older child build a relationship with the baby. Help her notice when the baby responds to a voice, silly faces and cuddling. Let her safely hold the baby.
- Try to spend some uninterrupted time with your older child - maybe doing her favourite activity together, take a class together, or just snuggle, talk, and read.
- Let your older child hear you tell others what a help he is with the new baby, but be careful that this is not the only thing you ever compliment him on.
Be aware that jealousy may also appear when your new baby moves to a new stage. For example, your older child may be quite loving with the new baby until she learns to walk. Now she can interrupt your older child's play. As your baby learns to talk, she becomes able to interrupt and challenge your older child. This will trigger jealousy, where previously there was no problem. Enjoy your growing family! New members bring so much love and tenderness to all who are lucky enough to be around them. -Compiled by Sharilyn Clowes, Director and Coordinator of Music with Creative Kids.
WHY ARE BIRTHDAY PARTIES SO STRESSFUL? Too many kids, too long, too much activity...TOO MUCH! While we want for our little ones to enjoy the experience, things can sometimes get out of control. As with most parenting ventures, we always need to start with a plan. Every family has their own ideas about what a child's birthday party should be. Some parents choose to have a company host the party. That takes a lot of stress out of the planning, but there are still things to keep in mind. Gail and I share the following tips which are helpful whether you are stepping out or celebrating at home. 1. If your child is less than 6 years old, keep the party to a maximum of 2 hours. When parties are really long, children can get overwhelmed and maintaining their best behaviour gets tough when exhaustion sets in. 2. Have realistic expectations for the children's' level of development. We can't expect 2 year olds to play interactively because developmentally, most of them are still in the parallel play stage. Take those issues into account when planning activities and duration. 3. Make a plan - why are preschools and classrooms calm? The teachers know what they are going to do before it happens and the children have a sense of that as well. The ability to predict what will happen helps all of us to feel more comfortable - we set our children up for success. Games or activities need to have a balance between quiet activities and those that burn off energy. 4. Keep food simple and easy because the children are often too excited to eat most of it anyway. Familiar foods seem to go down better with young children. 5. Have a set of guidelines regarding what the children can do and where they are allowed to play. While presenting this information at the start of a party might seem like a downer, it can alleviate a great deal of chaos later on. With extra energy due to a bundle of children and cake and ice cream, setting clear limits gets everyone off on the right foot. When expectations are stated clearly (whether in your home or at another location), everyone has an understanding of how things will work - it's that sense of predictability again. 6. Lastly - gifts: some families plan the gift opening for after everyone has left. This eliminates boredom for those watching the process as well as impolite comments about certain gifts. If you are tired of throwing out tiny loot bag treats or worse - stepping on them with bare feet; create a pact with your friends to make a donation with the loot bag $$ or at least choose something useful to send home - a craft kit, an inexpensive puzzle or something that will have a purpose in it's new home. Have fun celebrating! PARENTING POWER is a family resource and education company offering in-home workshops and individual coaching for families seeking to create a more satisfying and productive relationship with their children. For more information visit www.parentingpower.ca. *See how Creative Kids can make your next party less stressful by visiting our 'Parties' page. |
